Kenton
By Kelsey Kitchel
One significant relationship that God has led me into this summer has been with one of the children of Summer Kid’s Discovery Club, Kenton (name has been changed). Kenton is nine years old and a very sweet child. He is a kid that many might label him as “problematic”, and at first, that was precisely how I labeled him too. It took getting to know him to see how much more there is. He has some issues revolving around focusing, sitting still, and impulsivity. He often thinks that he is “too old” or “too cool” to participate in certain activities and acts without thinking. When he begins to feel discouraged in something, he usually closes himself off and gives up without giving it another chance. All of this made him a constant topic of conversations between the full-time staff and our volunteers.
I once asked him what he thinks he may need to help him focus. He had no idea what could help and that’s when I realized I had been going about everything wrong. The relationship that had initially been formed between Kenton and me was very transactional. I just wanted him to not be disruptive during the activities or faith time, and for him to listen and get something out of what we were doing or learning. I very quickly realized that this was not the approach that should be taken to solve the issues and problems. Instead of “You need to sit still” or “You need to listen”, I learned that things needed to be changed into “How can we work together to help you to focus?” and “What do you need us to do to allow you to better participate?”. The relationship turned from a transactional one, into a personal, relational one. It turned into a relationship that involved both parties benefitting from each other in ways that caused personal growth.
From asking Kenton questions, getting to know him, and figuring out what his needs are, I learned that what he needs is a friend. I learned that he needs a friend who wants to help him understand his emotions and control them. I learned that he needs a friend to give him positive encouragement for the things he does well. From talking to him, I learned that he needs someone to listen. I started playing basketball with him in the mornings, which is something he loves to do. I started asking him questions about his interests, to let him know I was listening to him. I started encouraging him when he would do something very well, or kind for another child. I also started to give him more leadership that would allow him to feel special and important. I also started to tell him that making mistakes is okay, but that we have to never give up and try again.
Once I started applying the information I gained from getting to know him to form a personal bond with him, he began to behave better. It wasn’t just Caitlyn that he began to respect, but I could tell that he was respecting me more too. He learned that when I would reprimand him, that there was a reason for it. He began to ask me if he could sit with me at lunch. He would try out the various trinkets we would give him during faith time, to see if they would help him focus. He began trying again when he messes up at something because he’s learning that Discovery Club is a place for second chances and a place without judgment. I can tell how proud he gets when we encourage him, and it warms my heart to see him happy.
When looking past the labels, I have come to know him as a wonderful boy whose smile can light up a room. I learned that he absolutely loves to help others, and will always jump at the chance to be given a position of leadership when asked. His servant heart can be seen through his kind actions to the younger participants. I realized that he loves to laugh and thinks that the silliest things are funny. Overall, I’ve learned that he is a fantastic kid who I’ve come to miss when he misses a day. I look forward to coming to Discovery Club because I get to see him grow and learn. The relationship I’ve built with him has taught me more about him, and how to better interact with others during situations that may seem difficult.